Random Hetalia Oneshots!
by superj0827
Summary: These are just ideas that come to me. First one is Gauken Hetalia! So far only one but many more coming! Please read and review!
1. BTT on the loose!

**This story actually has a story behind it! I was at school and there was a lockdown. I was being silly and I thought, 'What if France was here?' Then he would have been the source of the lockdown! Can't you imagine it? _The school is now in lockdown because there is a pervert running amuck_. So I've had the idea in my head for a while and finally I got the chance to write it down. I've got another one-shot coming up for this story and I'm working on some other stories so all of you be patient, ya hear? Enjoy!**

"T-The school is now in lock down," the stuttering voice that belonged to Latvia was heard over the PA and it sent the students into an excited frenzy. The school had never been in lock down before, with such powerful countries inside, you'd have to be crazy to attack it. Then again there were a lot of crazy people in this world. England calmly stood up and sat against the wall as instructed. The teacher locked the door and then walked back to her desk.

The class wasn't really panicked they were just chatting excitedly, glad to have a break from schoolwork. England mostly spaced out but he heard random bits of conversations here and there. "…hipster pink. Romania will be, like, so jealous!" That was Poland, who for some reason talked like a valley girl. England had once formed and alliance with him but that had turned out to be completely useless. "…Nein! You can't go make pasta, we're in the middle of a lockdown! Don't you remember our training?" That was Germany obviously addressing his friend Italy.

Then there was a banging at the door. The whole class jumped. The teacher looked through the small window in the door. She sighed. "Everyone relax we're only in lockdown because of these morons," she opened the door and France, Prussia, and Spain rushed in. Their ties were hanging loosely around their necks and their uniforms were creased and wrinkled. They were, of course, all drunk. They all sat down at their desks. Spain promptly fell asleep and France looked around, "Why is everyone against the wall? Is there something wrong?"

The teacher smacked her hand on Prussia's desk which woke up Spain, "What are you idiots thinking? First of all you come to school incredibly late! Then you're drunk which is _illegal_. You guys aren't adults all on your own. YOU ARE STUDENTS! And you're going to get expelled!" Prussia shakily stood up, "Calm down Hungary! Everything will be fine! We won't get caught." His legs failed him and he fell back into his seat. Hungary produced her pan and gave all three of them a smack, "How can you say that when you put the school in LOCKDOWN?" Spain laughed, "Hey France! Remember when that bartender kicked him out of the bar so we-" Hungary was really pissed now, "You will NOT reminisce about those 'crazy nights' of drunkenness! You will go to the office. NOW!"

France, Prussia, and Spain leaned on each other and slowly walked down to the office. "Hey guys? How badly-hic-do you think he'll beat us this time?" Spain was obviously talking about Russia. He was the person that took care of students that had to be disciplined. He was a student, of course, but he was perfect for the job. So along with taking his classes he often stayed after school for 'detention' duty. "S-Should we take off?" Prussia said almost falling over. "Non! We're-hic-We're countries! We-hic-we can handle this! We've hand-hic-handled it every other time!" This was said by France who was the drunkest of them all. He seemed to remember something for he said, "Aah I -hic-forgot to say hello to Angleterre! I'll have to -hic- I'll have to give him more of my -hic- my l'amour to make up!" Prussia laughed, "He'll -hic- he'll love that!" They continued down the hall and soon reached the office.

They were met with Estonia. "De-hic-Detention," Prussia began laughing wildly. He sobered up and grabbed Estonia's collar, "You-hic-you have to help us! Russia -hic- He's gonna kill us! I'm too -hic- too awesome to die!" Estonia removed himself from Prussia's grasp and wrote down their names. "I'm sorry but I can't help you now," and pointed them down the hall, to their doom.

Lithuania approached, he had been hiding in the corner hoping they wouldn't see him, "How bad is it this time?" Estonia adjusted his glasses, "They're more drunk than usual and they succeeded in putting the school in lockdown. They should be proud." Estonia logged onto the computer and entered another detention on France's, Prussia's, and Spain's permanent record.

Latvia was happily filing student grades. "You're in a good mood Latvia. Did something happen?" Lithuania smiled, pleased to see his friend so happy. "I was thinking. If Russia is punishing all the students then maybe he'll be less violent to us!" Latvia continued filing, but not for long. "What was that Latvia? I'm not violent to you guys, da?" Russia turned to Lithuania, "Lithuania, do _you_ think I'm violent?" Lithuania shook his head and, out of his peripheral vision, saw that Latvia was frozen. Russia placed his hand on Latvia's head; he began pushing downward, "See? Lithuania does not think I am violent!" He kept pushing for a few moments and then checked his watch, "Aah I should go now. It was France, Prussia, and Spain again, da?" Estonia nodded. Russia retreated down the hall. "Latvia, you should watch what you say especially if there's even a slight chance that Russia can hear you," Estonia shook his head.

Meanwhile France, Prussia and Spain were waiting for Russia to arrive. They were sitting at the only table in the room. There were five chairs at the table. They were old and some of them looked about ready to collapse. The room had a door and a lamp in the corner. There were no windows.

"When is he getting here? I cannot wait forever you know," the alcohol was wearing off and France was getting impatient. "You won't be waiting much longer, kol kol kol kol kol," Russia had arrived and he was cracking his knuckles. "So, you guys came to school drunk _again_, da?" France and Prussia jumped; Spain had fallen asleep again. "And if I remember you were also very late. You'll never learn anything if you're late and it's important to learn, da?" France and Prussia nodded, "Then why don't you wake Spain and I can give the three of you a lesson. Since learning is so important." "Spain, time to wake up," Prussia kicked him. Spain shot up, "Oh, hello Russia! H-How are you doing today?" He was trying to be his usual self, but with his massive hangover and the promise of being beating it was pretty difficult. "I'm very well! In fact I'm feeling very strong today! That's nice, da?" Russia continued kolling (koling?) as he steadily approached them. His tall shadow fell over the three and they cowered in fear.


	2. Resturant from Hell!

**The countries are served some bad food and the zaniness ensues from there! I actually wrote this for a homework assignment. The teacher just wrote 'interesting story…' Enjoy! Don't forget to review!**

"Here you go!" The waiter said setting down several plates. "That looks so bland!" said a man with a heavy French accent as he examined the food. "You'll have to eat it Francis…" said a Spaniard with a look of apathy.

This Saturday the nations had decided to decided to mix things up and hold their meeting at a restaurant instead of the boring UN building.

In a few moments all nine people at the table were chowing down on their not-so-appealing food. Unfortunately the food was just as horrible as it looked. Soon everyone was in various stages of food poisoning. A man with white hair and bright red eyes was unaffected by the food, but went along with everyone else, almost mocking them. "West!" he said to a blond German man who was seated next to him. He seemed very embarrassed. The red-eyed man dropped his head on the table, "West! I… I can see the light!" He closed his eyes and then shot up in his seat and doubled over with laughter.

Another man unfazed by the food was actually happily eating it. The Englishman ate it with amazing speed and was soon asking for seconds.

"Dude! This food is horrible! Let's all wash it down with some burgers," said an American. He proceeded to produce an absurdly large pile of burgers and wolfed them down. The Englishman looked shocked, "Alfred I'm sorry it's not greasy and fattening, but I happen to think it's delicious," he seemed to be have enjoyed Alfred's moment of pain.

A certain Italian was also not feeling to good, "Ve…." he groaned and complained to the German, "Germany! Germany! I want pasta."

The waiter came back and saw everyone in their suffering, "Shit! This always happens when Willie cooks. Sorry folks, he's English if you know what I mean. Anyways I'll give you guys a refund. Is there anything else you need?" "What is that supposed to mean?" the Englishman seemed very upset. "He _means_ that English food sucks, Angleterre!" said a Frenchman as he stuck out his tongue. "Do you want another hundred-years-war Frog?" the Englishman raised his fists. The two began fighting and a Chinese man shook his head; he was perfectly fine since he had been smart enough not to eat the food in the first place, "They never stop do they?"

Now everyone was recovered from the death-meal from hell the distasteful meal and they decided to leave. As they left the building Alfred said, "We should keep the meetings at the UN building. That restaurant was _not_ healthy for us." "As if you're one to talk," the Englishman had gotten his hands on some form of alcohol; he was slightly drunk, "Your food is horrible for a person's body. I ate a McDonald's burger once and I felt like I was going to have a heart attack!" "Yeah! Why don't you have pasta instead? It's much better for you!" the Italian had gotten the pasta he had wanted and was eating it quickly, trying to wash down the aftertaste of the horrible meal. "Italy, pasta is nothing but carbohydrates. Although it is healthier than American food, wurst is heathier," Germany closed his eyes, as if he couldn't believe the idiocy that was spouting out of this man's mouth. Italy kept smiling unfazed by the comment, "But wurst tastes like death! Pasta tastes good! Especially with tomato sauce. Ooh and alfredo sauce tastes good too," the Italian went into a spiel about all the sauces that you could have with pasta and how delicious it is.

The group continued down the street, getting the occasional stares from passers-by. They reached an intersection and they all parted ways, agreeing to never again visit that restaurant.


	3. Russia's Pipe In the Hands of Poland

**Oh noes! Poland has Russia's pipe. Anywho 'nother random story that came to me! Read. Enjoy. Review. (That's my new slogan!)**

The phone rang again and again. "Why won't he pick up?" Poland muttered to himself while he pushed yet another piece of Pocky into his mouth.

Finally someone picked up the phone. "Poland?" Lithuania already sounded weary of the conversation. "Liet! I, like, totally have Russia's pipe!" Poland was very proud of himself for pulling off the heist, "Poland! You have his pipe? He's- He's- That's- Poland!" Lithuania couldn't find the words to describe the enormity of what Poland had done.

"Relax! I'll, like, give it back! I just want to make sure he does bother you, like, ever."

"Poland… Don't you realize how upset he's going to be?"

"Don't tell me you're still, like, scared of him! He doesn't, like, control you anymore!"

"He's not as scary anymore, but he's still pretty scary. Belarus on the other hand…" Poland sighed. _He's never going to give that up. She's just so, like, scary_. "How was your date?" There was a pause at the other end of the phone, "Well, she kept staring at something behind me. She wasn't really listening to me either, but it was good enough just to see her. She's so beautiful and nice," Lithuania was happy when he thought of the memory. "I think next time I'll take her to the movies. Do you think she'd like that?"

Poland sighed, frustrated, "Liet! She was, like, watching Russia! She wasn't really, like, on a date with you. She was just, like, using you as and excuse to, like, stalk Russia." Lithuania, however, wasn't listening. "Oh and I almost forgot the best part!" "Liet-" "Belarus didn't threaten me the whole time. I think she's falling for me!" Poland smiled, _What a love-sick fool_. "Liet?" "Yes?" "I think she's falling for you too," Poland figured it was better to encourage his friend rather than crush his hopes and dreams. Then again they _were_ talking about Belarus.

"Anyways… Don't you want to know how I, like, got Russia's pipe?" Lithuania had forgotten about that, "I guess so, but Poland you really should give it back." "Liet! Seriously! I'll give it back. He just left it at the UN building so I, like, took it!" Poland laughed at his cleverness. He had totally gotten Lithuania to think that he had stolen it. Then again Lithuania should have known better. He knew that Poland would never steal.

"Poland, come over here. We're going to return Russia's pipe." Poland's mood soured, "Oh Liet you're, like, no fun. Can we at least send him a ransom note? We could send a piece of the pipe every day he doesn't give us the ransom money!" "Poland? Have you noticed how much blood is on that thing?" Poland glanced at the pipe, which was in the corner of his room, "Actually once I got home I just, like, dropped it in my room. It's disgusting." Lithuania sighed again. "Just come over, Poland," and with that he hung up the phone.


End file.
